Thinking About Learning English? Think Again!

Look, all you need to know, is that October, is not the eighth month.

I don’t even know what month December is, but sure as sunshine isn’t the tenth month.

But it gets, worse, of so much worse.

I just don’t understand, what business loons have in pantaloons.

And the strangest word I know, may just be lumps.

As you can have them on your head, when you whack yourself.

In your tea, when adding sugar cubes.

And on my goodness, in your pants, when there was a line to the restroom.

I am not sure how to spell the letter A, but you spell the letter “W” as Doubleu.

I am still struggling to spell Tea, which sounds like letter tea.

And I am enchanted by the words Twelve and Twenty.

In America when writing a lteer, it is customary to write numbers out with words.

Apparently just the numbers, makes you immature.

And each time I wash my hair, I use the Sham-Poo, and I don’t even want to know.

You know the green peas that we all grow up eating, in English, the name is a horrendous disaster.

Let me tell you something, and you better sit down for this…

Because you can have the follwong snow pea, chickpeas, sweet pea, green pea, purple pea, sugar snap pea, garden pea, field pea, black eye pea.

Pigeon pea, cow pea (I an not joking) and pea shoots, for pea plants in early stages.

To make matter worse, Chickpeas, are often called Garbanzo Beans.

I tell October, by when the pumpkins grow, but why pump, who is pumping the pumpkins?

And you know the lttle sausages, they are called hot dogs.

And to make things worse, hotdogs in a bun with relish…

Are also called hotdogs, and you never know which one you’re going to get.

People traditionally ask how many licks, to get to the center of a lolipop.

I ask where is the pop, what does the pop in the loli pop.

It was so hard to remember this word, sugar on a stick, I used to call it.

I don’t know that the “bumbe” in the bee is, or if the fire fly can start fires.

But butter fly, ew.

And in Michigan, I once encountered, and this is true.

Porkbutts on sale, and I did not look to see if it was what it sound like.

And there are hidden words too, ones you don’t hear at first

Noodles, hide the word nude, and toilet hide the word toil.

Ticke hides the word, tick.

Crumpets, a popular British word, hides the word rump.

Fannypack, which I often wore, is not a word you use outside of America.

And the American adult words, are everywhere.

I once watched grown survivalist woman, talk about setting up boobytraps.

And there are birds named, boobies too.

And I don’t even want to talk about, Ninja “Turtles” where I learned most of my English From – Yikes!

And I live next to a state named Ohio, and apparently Ohio gained a new meaning.

You call weird people Ohio, but what takes the cake, here.

Is that a lot of people in Ohio ride tractors, and that is exactly what the word looks like.

It looks like a tractor, O is the big wheel, h is the cabin.

I is the little chimney, and the final o is the front wheel.

Ultimately, I learned english by watching TV, and I learned to read from closed captions, the TV text.

But I topped it off with Narrated Books, especially adventure books.

When you like a book, you will re-listen it, and its vocabulary will solidify within you.

But now that I know all the words, I go over them, checking what they hide.

And between The Lumps, Misnumbered Months, Shampoo, the Peas and works of art like Ohio.

It is a very complex language, that will take a while to get used to even after you learn it.