A Sure Recipe For Deadly Bear Jerky; Or, A Weight-loss And Fitness Program For The Rest Of Us

Ancient warriors did not have Vendi Mochas with sprinkles and pumpkins, if they did, they wouldn't fight so much, they’d become chonks.

And caffeinated sugar drinks kick you out of trance. and the one thing you don’t want to be alert for, is damn your two hour workout.

Ancient warriors had the beat of drums, and their chants, they would in fact, get lost in the chant and beat, by trying to match it.

It is called trance, but it is not something mysterious or weird, you get into a trance when you drive home from work, for example.

You just relax your mind, and switch to paying attention to the steps, rather than worrying about the whole.

Activity does not wake you from this strange trance, joggers are proof of that.

Long distance runners, are not at all present for the duration of the run, relaxing during activity is part of the fun of it.

You don’t actually need music when you are running in the woods, when you are always encountering new things and smells and vistas.

But when you are confined in a building, facing a mirror, like a terrible jiggling bird in a cage, you need fresh music with a good beat.

You need to start with slow songs first, and focus on eliminating your rest periods, I always encourage people to use an interval timer for that.

Resting in a gym, is only for those why are building up their endurance, you see that with joggers on the machines.

They are wisely aiming to just get through their run without stopping, and you see the results... they grant themselves extra decades of life.

You are meant to work to live, and not live to work, you only think, that your job is supposed to be killing you, your family would prefer is you were around for much longer.

So, starting at this point, shouldn't be your problem, but, you should start magnificently, to celebrate what will become your new body, and new life.

There are three great trails in north America, and similar trails in Europe, and that will be your preparation to your workouts.

Section hiking, The Appalachian Trail, The Pacific Crest Trail, and The Continental Divide, will make you younger, and restore your body so that you can begin your workouts.

Section hiking should involve as many members of your family as possible, though you may need to be the first to show them the results.

You begin immediately, get up, scream as if fighting a bear, go to the store where you usually get the food that is killing you...

And keep going to the camping section, start by getting a backpack, some matches, and bug spray, and a huge bad ass knife.

It is critical, that it is a big expensive thick chopper, just in case you are ever attacked by deadly grizzly bears, or boars, or moose.

Because, by getting to the end of this damn poem, you have been challenged.

To lose weight, so that you may add many decades to your life, and show your family that you love them more than stupid food.

You many not realize this, yet,. but from now on,

Fighting for survival and cooking the monsters that tried to rip you apart, is the only eating that will taste good.

Let the trails guide you to the gym, and may you replace browsing the internet, with eating deadly bears.