The Way Of The Plumpkin; Or, On Communicating With Your Body, And Slowly Getting Into Marvelous Shape

Above all, don't let nasty monsters get to you, let them wallow in their gossip, let them choke on their own filth.

Let them talk behind your back, because behind is where they belong.

Don't let people tell you, what you are doing wrong, or not enough of.

Don't let them parade your failures in front of you, everything you do must be layered together in your own sequence.

Don't let them tell you that you are not enough, or that you are failing all over again, just like before.

Because as long as you continue, to no end, failure, is just another marvelous stop forward.

Don't let anybody tell you that you have to push harder, because they aren't there to help you, but to shame and break you into giving up.

Fitness is life, for some 30 to 50 years of it.

Therefore going slow is best, because here the chances of quitting are least.

Quitting is such a drastic thing, that it can only arise from some misunderstanding.

You can’t jump into a heavy workout, and you should never try to do a fraction of it.

And then tell yourself, I’ll just add another minute next month.

Workouts do not start short, and your body can’t provide you with long.

Workouts start slow, here your body will gradually increase in endurance.

And you can spend some of that endurance on, fast workouts, though not at first.

At first you want the duration, that increased physical power that endurance grants you.

Work your way up to 45 minutes, then extend it to 60 minutes…

Then after a long while, double it, and much later add an extra hour.

And here, once you stop getting exhausted, you can begin speed training, to burn it up.

Our bodies understand duration, that is what our ability to gradually increase in endurance is.

A certain kind, of understanding.

Moving fast, when you are yet to go long, confuses the body.

It will make you stop, it will make you hurt.

It will force you to quit disrespecting its superpowers, learn to use your body – endurance first.

Now, fitness advice is nothing, if it does not instantly change your life.

Get rid of your kitchen appliances, put little luggage locks on the plugs.

Feed them through that little hole in the prongs, and get rid of the key, throw it away.

Next, switch stores where you shop, and don’t use you car to get there, buy what you can carry.

Focus on buying green lettuce, that you can then flavor, with tiny bits of unhealthy things.

And begin taking your walking to the next step, walk more, walk farther, walk somewhat faster, when you can.

Then shuffle, you don’t need to jog, just lean forward, and kind of run, and then add 2lb dumber, one per each hand.

Gradually increase distance, gradually increase weight, and when you have energy left over, gradually increase speed.

Your body will understand, it will hear you loud an clear.

Burn up the fat reserves, increase endurance…

And finally, raise the pain threshold, “‘cause we got a badas$$ over here” – damn right.