Sloshing, The Rite Of Sausage, And, Yes! You Can Outrun A Donut
Thursday • May 25th 2023 • 11:12:55 pm
There is an old saying that you can’t outrun a Donut, if you feast your workouts can’t work out.
The skinny people try to make it sound like wisdom, and the rest of us, just see it as something sad.
But that is just a complete and total misunderstanding, because outrunning a Donut is actually a challenge.
The challenge is far grater than a triathlon, with all its fancy skinny outfits worn my men whose tits never had a jiggle.
And far more demanding, than an ultra-marathon, or several consecutive ones…
By men whose very own bio states that, they have a genetic predisposition for making genetic predispositions up.
The day you have your Donut has to be perfect, and you get as many retries or servings as you want.
You’ll know, when you are ready to have that perfect one, if it won’t ruin it for you, might as well dip it in some sugary mess too.
Having a Donut is a cerebration of life, and having your last one, is a celebration of health.
You should already have your equipment ready, and please, always wear a reflective jacket.
First you want to dip your toes into jogging, it is OK if you have a belly.
In fact, the fatter you are, the more muscle you have, and fat stores are good nutrition for the body.
And start by walking, by the side of the street, maybe just walk one direction and have someone bring you back.
You will et blisters, but only one, your feet will be adapting to the challenge, you may have some luck, with super super tick woolen socks and bigger shoes.
Don’t make a big deal out of picking out shoes, they won’t last long at all, the cheaper you get the better, and try to cycle between multiple pairs.
This way, when your shoes start bothering you, the new pair will let the trouble spots recover.
And yeah eventually your walking, will turn to shuffling, and then jogging, and jogging on those infernal machines.
Walking is special though, you can do walking in extremely bad weather, the worse it is the better the workout.
Once you start jogging, you will become, scared of slipping on ice, walking is something else.
In fact, many people, never really get into jogging, they head on out to beat their donut by hitting up the triple crown.
Here you can see, how the ultras, or triathlon people, who ride a bicycle part of their race… aren’t even trying.
Triple crown is a walk in the woods, the Appalachian Trail, The Pacific Crest Trail, and finally the Continental Divide.
I repeat, walking is something else.
If you do like working out at the gym, which I recently termed sloshing, though it has been called water dancing as well.
I was actually raised on raisin donuts, they were called Paczkis, and the raisins were a real treat.
So, I might have had, one too many donuts, hence the term sloshing, but I just finished my challenge recently.
So it does not matter, if you are a sweet child of donuts or not, anybody can do it.
Then, your gym workouts need to start with cutting out sugar, which is basically medicine for dying people, that we, pop like candy, for fun.
And then, you have to do something crazy, you can see that in workout videos, but you will have to start working out to the beats of songs.
Start with slow songs at first, and then speed up, use ffmpeg, Audacity, or master a DJ deck, but always hit every beat.
Use an interval timer to keep narrowing your rest periods, until you don’t need to rest anymore.
A gym workout should be two or more hours long, never one, that is just asking for trouble, and adding an extra decade to beating the donut.
And please don’t think in terms of time, beating a donut is a lifetime commitment, but you do get weekends off to take care of your feet.
I highly recommend just grabbing onto some weights, and dancing, that is the easiest way to ease yourself into a trance.
Be careful with coffee, it may get you to a gym, but it will prevent you from zonking out during your workout.
You don’t want your workout to feel like 20 hours, normally, a two hour dance is just a short albeit wobbly little nap.
Please remember, beating a donut will require many decades, of mighty workouts and cranky feet, and it is in fact a rite of passage.
Personally I termed it, a rite of sausage, as that is basically what you start eating, but always consider healthier or better sources of protein.
In short you pass from donut, don’tnut, and become a health nut.
Your family will love having you around for extra 30 to 50 years, so work together to always make sure to never miss a workout.
I don’t have to tell you what to do about your, career, but just in case you didn’t notice yet, it has been draining you of life.
You’ll do great on your own, it takes a few times to get a startup going, but you know how to run it inside out, you’ll do great.
Go on now, figure out if you are a jogger or a walker, by taking to a number of colorful camping and hiking adventures - preferably one every month.
This will double to help you with your weight, hiking is the only shortcut you got.